F.R.E.D. Weekly

Time moves by for everyone and the same goes for every Freddy and their nation. Read our newsletter to catch up on what has been going on in our country.

A new species found a habitat in F.R.E.D.:

What started out as rumors has turned out to be true, giant hermit crabs have come crawling out of the glowing sea. The rumor mill started about a month ago when pictures of a specimen made it to Fredbook after being posted by Vadim iglov, a fisherman, who works in the Glowing Sea near Cottonwood cove powerplant.

Iglov had this to say; “I saw the bodywork of a car and figured it was some unlucky apparatchik whose brakes had mysteriously cut themselves, causing him to end up in the glowing sea.” Upon approaching however Vadim had the fright of his life. “I couldn’t quite believe it, I thought I had had too much vodka the night before”. While his alcohol levels were off the charts, this creature was no mere mirage for the drunken fisherman.

Researchers of Ivansky university have got hold of one of the creatures last Friday, October 12th. Dr Jonathan Zoidberg head of the biology lab states the following; “The crustacean appears to at one point have been of relatively normal size, his growth must have accelerated at some point during his lifespan, due to an unknown source of radiation. As more and more reports come flooding in we can be sure that more sea creatures might soon start growing. ” The massive crustacean was so big that normal shells no longer sufficed to contain him, he found shelter in the bodyworks of a discarded Atomstar-brand Van.

When asked by environmentalists to comment on the situation Comisar Johnson, ever the funny man, had this to say; “Perhaps we should expand our small fisheries, or hope that lobsters are the next species to grow, my mother had this great recipe that I’m dying to try out on a giant-sized one”.

Only minimal civilian casualties in Fredian rocket crash

Disaster strikes a northern Fredian village as one of the Fredian waste disposal rockets crashed down in a failed launch. Luckily only a few people died in the crash, but most importantly, what even went wrong during the launch and what are the consequences?

On a cold winter morning, at around 08.00 AM, disaster struck an unnamed Fredian village in our nation’s northern mountain range. The ROKIT-rocket, designated to send hundreds of tons of non-biodegradable waste to Jupiter, suffered a fatal engine failure, which led to the rocket detonating in low orbit, its wreckage crashing down on the unfortunate inhabitants of the village.

The Fredian government has already issued a statement, in which they mourn the precious lives of the people lost in the incident, and how much they appreciate their sacrifice in the name of F.R.E.D.’s technological advancement.

Most importantly, however, the flaw has been identified, as one of the nuclear rod bearings in the engine exploded, causing a chain reaction of failures throughout the rocket.

“Now that we have identified the problem, we can start working on a solution to prevent similar incidents from occurring in the future.”, says Michail Osipov, chief analyst of the Fredian Space Program.

“Luckily the wreckage has been recovered, and the surviving rod bearings can be refined and repurposed. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families of the brave scientists and engineers who witnessed their work crash to the ground.”

The victims’ families in the village will be compensated with a free slice of yellow cake, which will hopefully help them mourn their lost family members.

Ameowzing rescue: 3 Freddies united with their owners

Gushna Rivad, a local citizen living just outside Ivansky, was on her way to work in the capital when she heard meows from behind some garbage bins. Rivad went to inspect and saw three cats were meowing for help and she decided to rescue them. But what makes this rescue so special?

The cats were stuck underneath some plastic and iron bars, but that’s not why they couldn’t get out. Their little paws were stuck in some tar, mixed with oils of some sort. “The cats were meowing their lungs out,” Rivad, commenting on the events. “They sounded hurt and sad, but mostly scared. Probably because they had been there for hours, or days, no one knows. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving them behind, but I had no idea how to help.”

Luckily for the cats and for Gushna, help came from an unexpected corner. Three children were playing outside in the streets and Gushna heard them too. She called the children over and told them what had happened. The children knew what to do, seeing as the parents of two children were scientists working at U-Space. “Gria and Boris were really helpful in pointing out what the cats were stuck in. Together with Karl, they came up with a plan to get them out of there,” Rivad said.

“My aunt is a veterinarian, she works with cats and dogs and ducks and turtles too,” Karl, aged 8 said. “I know how to help cats, I’m super smart!” The four worked really well together to dissolve the tar enough to get the cats out. Scared cats would usually flee the moment they can, but not in this case. “From the moment we got them all free, the cats stayed with us. They all stayed with the children, probably as a thank you,” Rivad said.

Gushna took the cats home, but let the children name them. The cats are called Fred, Fredd and Freddy. “Karl, Gria and Boris are the real owners of Fred, Fredd and Freddy. They come to visit every day after school. I foster the cats now, but I’m sure when the children tell their parents enough times that they really love the cats, that the cats will have lovely homes soon enough,” Rivad commented. So it seems that the three Freddies will have a good home with Karl, Gria, and Boris very soon.